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A banding procedure is placing a strangling rubber band around the base of a hemorrhoid. I immediately understand why most girls aren’t into anal sex.
Within six to 12 hours, it sloughs off.“Let’s do it,” I say. I want to get it over with.”Brandeis immediately tells me that we should start with one and see how that feels, harboring an expression on his face that lets me realize how painful this procedure would be. The magic happens.♦◊♦I’m still worried about going to the bathroom, but here we are—que sera sera. And people who talk about prostate massaging have obviously never had a hemorrhoid removed.
I greet Karen by name when she comes in the room and tell her, afterward, that I feel very close to her.
He had arranged to meet her so that he might size her up and determine whether he wanted to give her a monthly stipend in exchange for regular sex and sometimes maybe dinner. Was she blonde and blue-eyed, the way he liked them? Now he meets the girls for lunch before he offers them an ahem arrangement, and he is very clear. A thing you should know is that there are very few people to root for in this story.
It’s funny, because he says “options,” but when we discuss the “options,” there are two. The second is going to a different colorectal surgeon.
Option one is a banding procedure, which, thankfully, is exactly what I want.
In fact, sitting on the toilet for long lengths has probably made me the person I am today. They’re conspicuous, but, in the end, easy to take care of. I had not expected that Transformers would play a role in my butt-health crisis.
The seat is comfortable; no one can talk to me; I can relieve stress in multiple ways; I can concentrate. They form inside the rectum and tend to hang down and peek out until they’re physically, unceremoniously, forced back in. I called my dad and asked, “Have you ever had hemorrhoids? Mostly, people are sitting with no visible discomfort except that which comes with being elderly. The doctor fiddles with something and with several mechanical whirrs, the bench rises about a foot and dips forward.
But in fact, experts don’t know where hemorrhoids come from. I found hemorrhoids.♦◊♦♦◊♦Hemorrhoids are inflamed bits of vein that fill with blood, bleed, and are very painful and sensitive. He brings out the finger and, instead, uses an instrument called an anal scope. Let’s just say it is as horrible as you can imagine.