Adult dating instant messaging uk
‘I don’t bother to use Facebook the rest of the time, but when someone interesting pops up I’m all over it, uploading flattering pictures, subjecting my friends to a barrage of witty status updates.’ As Voyer explains, ‘People are increasingly constructing two identities – their online identity, and their offline identity.’ He points to Twitter in particular, saying that ‘new ways of interacting have widened the gap between our actual selves – who we actually are – and our “ought” selves – who we think other people want us to be.’ So, proper, honest, face-to-face communication is key. ’ ‘We’re friends – you’re my friend.’ At this point, I’d been sleeping with this man for…
Unfortunately, for a generation practically weaned on telecommunication devices, person-to-person communication is not exactly our strong suit – as evidenced by a stand-up argument I recently had with a man I was seeing. well, far longer than I care to admit; yet most of our communication was via text message or drunken conversations at the end of the night.
With texts, you are allowing a large space for fantasy to take over.’ The common business of ‘researching’ potential dates on Facebook, Twitter and Google can lead to similar disappointment – especially for a generation like mine, who curate their Facebook pages to PR-worthy standards.
One friend furiously edits her Facebook page when a man she likes accepts her friend request.
I’m definitely as much to blame as any of the men I meet – I’m often unwilling to make the space in my life a relationship needs inorder to thrive.
Maybe this will all change when I meet the right man (after all, chemistry’s got to count for something), or maybe my brain has just been rewired to expect every interaction I have to come with minimum effort and no real depth.
At 29, I’m very happy with my life – it’s fun and fulfilling and I rarely feel lonely.
But I do wonder why my relationships (or whatever we’re calling them this week), fizzle out so easily.
You can become vastly experienced in the heady yet confusing dance of Early Days – I have had years of it, and know all the steps – yet remain an ignoramus about the mysterious state of proper Girlfriend and Boyfriend.
If I’m bored or lonely, there’s always a temptation to reconnect.
Perhaps among all those frogs there was actually a prince?
I might be missing out on love, but I’m never short of intrigue, and right now intrigue seems more fun. In fact, I can’t remember the last night out with my single friends where we all stayed until the end, or where we weren’t joined by a special guest at some point.
Some of this intrigue even becomes actual, real-life, human interaction and perhaps… But mostly I’ve found myself in a perpetual state of limbo – stuck somewhere between first encounter, a hook-up and a full-blown relationship. Twitter, Facebook and Google have turned the dating world upside-down, changing how we meet people, what we know about them before we do – and introducing a new layer of ambiguity into single life that generations before us never had to contend with. ‘Drinks with the girls.’ ‘Want to meet us at my local? I schlepped all the way across the city – only to spend the next three hours with Paul and about six of his friends. And it isn’t simply a case of women being on the receiving end of the latest incarnation of male dating fecklessness. But in the world of endless options, where nothing seems permanent, and you never have to interact with anyone face to face if you don’t want to, me actually picking up the phone, telling someone how I feel about them, or even asking them out for dinner seems like too big a risk.
Strange then, I realised recently, that I have rarely been properly on my own.